I'm feeling much better now. Saturday was so hellish. I was gripping onto that ledge so hard, looking down at the ground far far below and wondering how long I could hold on and what falling that far might feel like. But I didn't let go, in part because of you people. I say a little agnostic prayer every day thanking whoever might be listening for the barren bitches who take the time to drop by here and inject light into my dark days. What would I do without you? Thank you.
I really think a lot of the depression came from the hcG, because as it's made its way out of my system, I've been feeling better and better. Today I felt positively chipper, if you can believe that. I went for a long walk (must get this gut under control) and smiled at the sunny sky. What a difference a few days and a few molecules of hcG makes!
I've spent the day enjoying this unexpected sense of gratitude and peace. Who knows how long it will last. Test day is Friday, which might be the first day of a changed life, or might just bring more of the same. I don't know how I'll handle a negative. I think I'll be pretty cracked by it. But I'm trying not to think about it too much, just biding my time, la dee da, trying to stay sane with the help of my beloved blogosphere.
Wishing you lots of luck on Friday...I've got a good feeling for you :) Glad you're feeling better.
xxoo,
Posted by: Emily | December 07, 2004 at 07:17 PM
Glad you are feeling better and my thoughts and prayers will be with you Friday.
Posted by: Julianna | December 07, 2004 at 08:48 PM
So glad today was a better day... will be thinking of you this week!
xxoo
Posted by: Anna H. | December 07, 2004 at 10:24 PM
Glad you're feeling better...and I hope the next two days fly by with good news come Friday.
Posted by: Dee | December 08, 2004 at 07:23 AM
I'm glad you're swinging upwards -- gotta grab those happy, peaceful days when they come around. I'm hoping hard for a very happy Friday.
Posted by: Joanne | December 08, 2004 at 06:13 PM