I've had regular menstrual-like cramps since Friday, which I have to say is a strange experience. They produce a very Pavlovian effect in me. (*rrrruff!*) I feel the cramps, and I think "okay, this feels normal, i'm about to get my period." And then I remember that, no, these cramps are different. My head knows that, but really, they feel very very similar. How strange. I love them, though, because they reassure me that I'm still pregnant.
On the other hand, today my boobs aren't nearly as sore as they've been the last few days. I keep pummeling them to see if they're tender. I'm a self-abuser. (Not in that way, you perves. Okay, some times in that way.) So today's diminishing soreness has of course thrown me off my "be happy, stay positive, don't worry" course. Does breast tenderness come and go? Is that normal? Now I'm wondering how in the world I will last until Friday. And what if Friday's numbers aren't good? Terrible. Can't think about that.
How do people do this? How do they survive the first few weeks? the first few days?? I'm really so excited, and relieved, and amazed that this has happened. I want to just enjoy it. I've never miscarried (obviously, since I've never been pregnant), so there's no reason to believe I have more of a chance of miscarrying than anyone else. And during the long months and months of trying, I told myself that if I ever got pregnant, I would do my best to relish every moment without getting tripped up by neurotic anxiety. And so far, I'm sort of doing that, but I also worry. I can't help it.
Wow, this is harder than I thought it would be. I really believed that if I managed to get knocked up, I would be so grateful and happy, tripping gaily along in googly wonder at my good fortune, that my joy would drown out any other worries. Guess that was pretty naive. I'm full of hope and happiness, but there's a pretty strong undercurrent of fear too.
About 72 hours 'til my next beta levels come in. Tick tock tick tock.
Oh my goodness -- CONGRATULATIONS (I shout)! I am so thrilled for you. Hang in there, LG. I'm thinking positive thoughts on your behalf.
Posted by: Joanne | December 14, 2004 at 01:16 PM
My boobs got more or less sore depending on the alignment of the planets. Even now, as the "sources" say that I should be losing the tenderness, they are more sore than ever. I say just ride the wave and ignore the boob pummelling (not that I can take my own advice, mind you).
You're doing great on mentally processing the cramping. Even though I knew it was normal, every little cramp convinced me that I was getting my period at any moment (which did not happen). It freaked the crap out of me for the longest time. And they were very mild, but so were the menstrual cramps about two days before flow. Shit- now I've probably undone your calm, and all I wanted to do was convince you to enjoy yourself. You are welcome to smack me in the head for that.
Posted by: dish | December 14, 2004 at 02:03 PM
Ack, tricky boobs, tricky boobs.
Mine were tender, then fine, then huge, then normal, then fine. I don't know if they hurt more from the poking prodding and pinching, or from the pregnancy itself.
Oh, congrats by the way. YAY!!!!
And the fear, nope, I don't think it goes away. Unless you are one of those fertile people who get pregnant and don't think about the fact that there is a chance of no baby at the end of the road.
Anyhow, 18 weeks today, I have my 20 week u/s on Monday, and I am fighting not going to the Dr to make sure the baby is still alive so that I don't get a shock at the u/s of dead baby. I just heard it last week, the heartbeat that is(I had a ton of DBT's and finally went in last Monday.)
Good luck, and may all your troubles be behind you for now.
Posted by: Kris | December 14, 2004 at 06:33 PM
Its very normal one day to feel like ya have tons of pregnancy symptoms and then one day to feel great..I`m in very early pregnancy stage as well and I`ve already had sum ups and downs.. as far as worrying goes..Kris is right the fear does not go away ..I think its because it something.. we want so badly.... hang in there.. heres a starange symptom I got early on.. and this may be happening to you already.. you sense of smell increases like 10 fold suddenly everything stinks... things u never noticed had a smell b 4 will suddenly become very apperent.. for example tinsel has a smell and its not pleasent.. nu uh.. not at all.. enjoy this time cuz before you know it ..you`ll be praying to the porcelin(sp) gods... WE all have our fingers crossed for ya.. keep ya chin up!!!!!
Posted by: Chrissy | December 14, 2004 at 08:38 PM
All totally normal, promise!
Posted by: Tertia | December 14, 2004 at 10:02 PM
Also chiming in to add that waxing/waning boob soreness is totally normal. There are days I can't even breathe on 'em, let alone brush them with my arm or something. Other days, I could punch 'em and nothing.
I also had cramping that made me think my period was due any day. With this pg, it ended pretty early on and I haven't had any more cramping to speak of--maybe an odd 'twinge' here or there but nothing consistent.
So, yep, you're still pg--and I'm sending lots of good wishes for an excellent beta Friday and growing emby!
Posted by: Dee | December 15, 2004 at 09:25 AM
Hang in there sweetie, I am thinking of you.
Posted by: B. Mare | December 15, 2004 at 03:42 PM
Hour by hour...that's how you get through it. I had an undercurrent of happiness with a lot of fear on top. I can't say that it goes totally away, at least for me, but it does get easier over time.
Wishing you good thoughts for Friday.
Posted by: Christine | December 15, 2004 at 03:54 PM
It's Friday in my part of the world - will be thinking of you all day.
Posted by: eM | December 17, 2004 at 12:57 AM
Congratulations darls. I know you are scared but you are one step closer to meeting your very special little person. Keep going hour by hour, day by day and before you know it, your bub will be here. Fingers crossed everything goes okay for you.
Posted by: Bugsy | December 17, 2004 at 08:56 AM