August 2005

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September 13, 2004

Comments

eM

I hear you. It does suck. But we can't hate you for feeling like that, it does not make you a horrid or mean person. In fact you are an angel to have tried to put your feelings aside to share her moment, and a very special friend for keeping quiet and biting your tongue instead of lashing out. I guess you made a wise choice to be anonymous - this is your place to get it off your chest. To say how you really feel. IF does suck. It is hard not to feel resentful, jealous, bitter. It really does suck. And I hear you. IF is crap, crap, crap, mean and nasty - IF is crap, you are not. Loving you in all your "jealousness" - loving you for being able to share how you really feel.

Tertia

I hear you. I can't really comment cos never had live baby at home, but I think I would feel the same as you? I can't imagine being like her at all.

patricia

Her feelings are normal, your feelings are normal. It's really sad when you are both having a hard time but can't really commiserate with each other. You just can't, it's too hard, and you shouldn't be expected to.

You were very wise to just leave, it was a much better thing to do than to stay and come out with a sarcastic comment. You were being a good friend.

kath

I know you wont be angry with this as I am not a sanctimoneous former infertile or anything but....here we are bitching and moaning about IVF when there are probably lots of infertile couples that have no money and would do anything just to be having a go.

Everything looks rosy from the side of the fence we are looking from and you are perfectly normal for having those thoughts. Very considerate to understand how G. is feeling as well.

Jamie

I have felt this way so many times!!!! Don't beat yourself up for it! I still haven't seen a friend's baby that was born the day I had my last m/c in June. Our friendship is suffering... but I can't stand it. She has had two beautiful boys under two in the time I have been TTC and have lost 2 pregnancies. I just can't relate to her plight...

Dana

I completely understand. My SIL had the nerve to tell me she couldnt want to get back to work after her six weeks were up because she was 'bored'. Bored. In six weeks. I just hated her for that for the longest time.

Don't feel bad.

Emily

Don't feel bad, it's only normal. I understand how you feel whenever I am around a friend who whines about how bored they are with motherhood and all the laundry, etc. I just sit there and smile while they repeatedly step all over my heart a few more times.

Thinking of you.

barren mare

I think it's one thing to have normal feelings of jealousy, and then another to try to cope with what you feel when someone is trampling all over your heart, probably quite unknowingly. Anyone suffering from the pain of infertility would have felt the same as you, little lobster friend, upon hearing that. No matter how advanced spirtually, emotionally, etc. there are some lines that cannot be crossed. Your friend crossed one. Doesn't make her a bad person. Doesn't make you a bad friend. Makes you human. Except for the lobsterness. *smooch*

chris

I completely understand the way you are feeling; I would have felt the same way. I wonder if your friend isn't suffering from a mild form of post-partum depression? It doesn't have to look as dramatic as we imagine it and even the post-baby hormonal drop and disappointment (yes, disappointment when you realize how hard it is and how thankless it can sometimes be) can be overwhelming for a new mom, especially if she's not getting enough help. I hope your friend learns to appreciate what she has. I hope she starts to feel better. And of course, I hope there's a lovely baby in your near future.

JulieB

What a tough night.

Do not beat yourself up for having the feelings you had. Any of your fellow infertiles, myself included, would have felt many, if not all, of the same feelings if in that situation.

Of course you are happy for your friend and still think very highly of her. But you can't invalidate your own feelings or feel badly for having them.

Hope you are feeling better.

Joanne

If you're terrible, then I'm an absolute ogre, because there's no WAY I could spend any time with a new mother and her newborn, no matter how close a friend she was.

Honestly, I think this terrible longing is an unavoidable, very unpleasant side-effect of infertility. I'm sorry for your upsetting evening -- sending you good thoughts.

Barbara

Your feelings while watching your friend and her new baby are natural. You want a baby of your own so very much. I hope that you will have a baby of your own in the not-to-distant future. You and your friend are in such different places right now. My first child was a fussy colicy baby and I felt like I must be the world's worst mother. It's not the baby's fault, but as a mother you get mostly negative feedback, since nothing you try works very well most of the time. Your whole life is consumed by this unhappy little baby and motherhood is much harder than you thought it would be. At least that's how I felt at the time. My second child was a happy, content infant. I was shocked at how easy he was to care for. I really wasn't a better mother to him than to his older sister, but he made me feel like a good mother. Like I said, you and your friend are in such different places right now that it's not possible to recognize what it's like to be in the others shoes.

Lola

Ughh, I've been in that situation too and I can't say that I was nearly as charitable to my friends as you are to yours. IF does suck, and it sucks even more when someone has what you want so badly and doesn't seem to realize how fortunate they are. Of course she's exhausted taking care of her newborn, but it wouldn't have hurt her to try and not show her irritation and frustration in front of you. Having negative feelings about your friend this way in no way makes you a bad friend in return, it just makes you human. So please don't be so hard on yourself.

Take care.

Karen

Just a giant "yeah, I know."

I've lost quite a few friendships over my inability to be around pregnant women/newborns, and their inability to know how to act around me. No one knows what to do--there's this big gaping trench between us all. I'm with one of the previous posters--I wouldn't have even gone. And my friend, if she were a friend, would have had to understand.

You're a much bigger person than me--don't feel like shit for going out of your way, out of your comfort zone, for a friend. Feel proud of yourself, that you did that at all.

Asian Gastronomist

As a mother of a breastfeeding newborn, I can totally relate to G. Although I love my daughter dearly, at times, I am frustrated and resentful because I am totally sleep deprived. Try getting up every 2-3 hour for six weeks and see how you feel. In this case, you really don't know what it's like until you in that position.

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