So I did in fact have an IUI on Monday. I confessed to Dr. Charmin that I may really have had a surge on Saturday. She looked moderately concerned that we might be turkey basting me too late, but then found nice wads of CM at my cervix, so ... whew! Looks like we may have caught the ovulation window after all.
I have to say that part of me wonders if I really did ovulate and if this cycle isn't just one big lie. It feels like nothing is what it seems this month. Spotting was actually a period. A fainter line on the OPK was actually a surge. I'm still getting cervical mucus ... what's up with that? And I've had zero ovulation pains, which is unusual for me. So at this point I'm just sorta throwing my hands up and thinking, whatever! Maybe that's why I haven't been able to resist having a glass of wine the last couple of nights. But really it's been just a glass. I even measured 5 oz into a glass to make sure I wasn't going over. Yes I am that anal. Shut up.
Tonight I went to the pharmacy to pick up my progesterone supps, which I'll start tomorrow. There was this guy working behind the counter who I've never seen before. He looked like he was probably 45/50, with curly hair, round glasses, and a dippy grin. He handed over the bullets to me in a clear plastic bag, joked that "refrigerate" was misspelled on the label, and then leaned over to tell me sagely that the progesterone would have a calming effect. "Lots of women experience a calming effect from this hormone." A. Calming. Effect.
I burst out laughing, pointing my finger at him while gasping maniacally "Calming effect! Oh my god. He said calming effect!" And snot flew out of my nose I was laughing so hard.
Okay I didn't really do that. Actually I screamed at him, my face turning beet red from fury, "Calming effect?! Do you enJOY blowing smoke up the ass of your customers, drugstore boy? Huh HUH?! Why don't you stick one of these beauties up your cooter and see how calm you feel? Oh wait. You don't HAVE a cooter. So shut your trap. You don't know what the hell you're talking about!" And then I collapsed from outrage.
Okay that didn't really happen. Actually I ripped open the bag eagerly muttering "calming, calming, calming" and the whole store watched as I tried to stick a bullet up my pants without anybody noticing, so desperate was I for the euphoric calm of progesterone. Duuuude.
Nope, that didn't happen either. Okay, seriously, I looked at the guy and said "That's not really true." And he looked at me quizzically, waiting for an explanation. "I've taken these several times and I can tell you that they definitely do not have a calming effect," I offered, a hint of an ironic tone in my voice. And then he gave me this weird, confused, slightly threatened look and backed away slowly. Apparently he's not interested in the actual experiences of actual women on progesterone.
I mean, what the hell? In what universe does progesterone have a calming effect? In my world, it wreaks emotional chaos. Maybe he secretly dosed the bullets with some valium? One can only hope. Guess I'll find out tomorrow.
Lucky you're being a lobster about this and going with the flow (or spot). I guess holding thumbs won't do any harm so here's me crossing them for you.
Posted by: eM | September 30, 2004 at 03:51 AM
Calming effect, indeed! So calming that I always make sure I tell hubby that I'm taking it. So that he knows that I can start yelling or sobbing with little or no reason. I bet that guy has never actually dealt with a woman on progesterone!
Posted by: ankaisa | September 30, 2004 at 06:03 AM
As if a male would know if progestrone has a calming effect. Personally progestrone makes me constipated, irritable, sleepy (because of insomnia bought on by obsession with if the suppositories have absorbed yet) and down right glum.
Pharmacist - Believe what you want buddy boy.
Posted by: kath | September 30, 2004 at 07:08 AM
heeheehee...
I can see you stepping over him bloody beaten body and exiting the drugstore muttering "calmingcalmingcalming" as you head home.
too funny.
Posted by: Jamie | September 30, 2004 at 07:57 AM
Tee hee, thanks for the giggle. Loved the alternate scenarios--too bad not one of them was real. That would have been great--though your actual response was pretty darn good too. Too bad the asshat JUST DIDN'T GET IT. *Sigh, they never do....*
Posted by: Dee | September 30, 2004 at 08:01 AM
Bwahahahahaha. That was hilarious. Thanks for the smile.
Posted by: april | September 30, 2004 at 12:48 PM
Did you ever have Opposite Day when you were a kid? Clearly, this is Opposite Cycle. No surge=surge? Progesterone=calming? In the spirit of Opposite Cycle, I'm wishing you a very UnPregnant result. :)
Posted by: Joanne | September 30, 2004 at 04:17 PM
Yes, I suppose you could call not being able to get out of bed because of progestrerone-induced despondancy 'calming' -- I mean, you're lying down, right?
Maybe the pharmacy guy's right and we've just been using the wrong 'language' all this time!
*sigh*
I'm with Joanne on this one -- may your Opposite Cycle continue, with wonderful results...
xxoo
Posted by: Anna H. | October 01, 2004 at 12:38 PM
yeah, right. Calming. Tell him you'll come back next week and kick his ass and then he can see for himself how calming it is.
Posted by: patricia | October 02, 2004 at 12:47 AM
Calming effect my ass.
Posted by: Menita | October 03, 2004 at 04:50 PM