"Planned" Pregnancies

So as you may recall, I already had to tell my boss last week that I'm pregnant. We have to plan fairly far ahead for my absence, because it will be rather long. You see, I was up for a big promotion this year, and along with the promotion comes more vacation time. Combine this with my employer's generous maternity leave policy, and I'll be gone for over six months. I consider this a huge blessing, because I'm really looking forward to staying home with the wee one, and I feel lucky that I don't have to scurry back to work when the sprite is still just learning to breastfeed.

However, because I'll be AWOL for so long, yesterday I also had to break the news to two more of my colleagues, because they'll need to be involved in figuring out who's going to take over my workload while I'm away. One of these colleagues is a kind if distracted man, the other is a rather annoying and often self-absorbed woman. The man immediately smiled sweetly and told me congratulations. The woman accusingly muttered that this means more work for her. Whatever.

But the thing that really got me is that both of them exclaimed that I had timed the pregnancy so well! "How clever to wait until the promotion to get pregnant. What with the extra vacation and all." And to me, the tone of their voices was not "you timed this well and you really deserve to spend as much time with your newborn as possible because you work damn fucking hard around here," it was more "oh, I see, you timed this so that you could get out of work for an even longer amount of time which is just gonna make things harder for us and why do you get to leave just because you're pregnant anyway?"

The hint of resentment in their voices, especially my female colleague's, would have been irritating enough even if I had been able to plan this all out. But as we all know, "planned" isn't exactly the word one uses to describe an infertile pregnancy. The phrase "planned pregnancy" suggests that the couple actually has control over their reproductive future, and can decide when they want to get pregnant, and when they want the baby to arrive. If I had planned it, I would have gotten pregnant in the summer of 2003 and would have a baby in my arms right now. If I had planned it, I wouldn't have spent months crying over negative HPTs, pouring money into the coffers of my RE, sticking hundreds of progesterone bullets up my cooter, shooting myself up with various drugs, getting catheters jammed into my cervix, or having laparoscopic surgery. No, I wouldn't have planned any of that.

I am thrilled to be pregnant, but I certainly didn't plan on it taking so long. So when my two colleagues looked at me as if I had manipulated the situation, calculating exactly when I could be gone the longest just to make their lives harder, I wanted to scream IF THIS WAS PLANNED I WOULD HAVE BEEN PREGNANT AGES AGO. YOU HAVE NO. IDEA! I wanted sympathy for what I've been through, and genuine happiness for a pregnancy that took some doing, not the accusing looks of people who somehow feel like they've been had. I came really close to telling them that it wasn't what they thought at all.

But I didn't, because, well, screw them. They're colleagues, not friends, so why should I tell them the gritty details of my infertile life? It's not that I'm embarrassed, it's just that I don't tell them anything else personal, so it would be strange to let them in on this most personal of dramas. Still, it's weird to have anyone looking at me like this was easy. Sheesh. If they only knew.

Comments

[Joanne]

Well, that's irritating as hell. I think I would have hadd no choice but to blurt it out -- I am in awe of your discretion. :)

[dish]

I am soooooo jealous that you have six months. I just have the FMLA 12 weeks unpaid leave. I'll take it, mind you, but I would go crazy to have more time. Of course, it also looks like you'll be hearing about the leave for the next seven months, which kinda sucks. My coworkers are more than excited about everything, for my boss (female), it's simply an inconvenience that must be dealt with (because the law says so).

I am always torn about revealing the long road of infertility. Part of me wants the world to know because there are to many asshats that have no idea how hard it can be. Then there is the side of me that doesn't want the same asshats saying- "Oh, there goes Dish's daughter/son"- (and then in hushed tones) "she had to use IVF." I don't want to label my child via the morons of the world. It's a tough call.

[Emily]

But see, the sprite DID plan it and tell them that it was intentional on their part ;) Yeah, I don't know whether to be annoyed or flattered -- annoyed because of the obvious -- you went through hell to get here, but flattered because they think you just pee on a stick, la la la.

'whatever', that's there problem, let them own it.

Six months is fantastic! Good for you.

[Moxie]

Well, I would have told them, because it would have made the woman look like an ass.

But that's just me.

[VHMPrincess]

I'd have to say something, to make them feel horrible for having such terrible thoughts!